LOS ANGELES, CA — When U-Haul announced an investment in a massive project in California, the state leadership's panic over continued population loss subsided. The relief was short-lived, however, as it turned out U-Haul's big project was just building a bullet train to accommodate the moving needs of everyone fleeing California for Texas.

"We were initially ecstatic when we saw the U-Haul corporation begin construction on this bullet train in our city – until we saw it was pointed East, towards Texas, rather than North towards Sacramento." Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass broke the bad news to California Governor Gavin Newsom, say sources familiar with the situation, and apologized for her premature call to the Governor bragging that she had finally attracted people to her crime-ridden city in the expensive state.

It has since become clear that U-Haul was just helping more people and businesses leave the state more efficiently, to reduce the burden on U-Haul's truck fleet, which has been buckling under the strain of all the Californian refugees.