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Bloomin’ Satire!

Unsavory Burlingame Group Tidies Up Planters

A sizable number of people, said to be members of the nefarious Citizens for a Better Burlingame, were caught in broad daylight a recent Sunday ago renovating two dilapidated planting boxes on Burlingame Avenue. Approximately 16 to 20 workers, cleverly camouflaged in day-glo orange safety vests so as to avoid attention, were seen first clearing out the overgrown planters in the early morning hours, then installing mulch, bark, and various colorful plants.

Certain high ranking members of this group, who shall remain nameless out of consideration for any possible future legal action, claimed that they had gone through all the red tape the city required; permit documents, insurance, and so forth, and stated that they had the city's full support and approval. While passersby to these goings on voiced gratitude to this volunteer group for using their own time and money to enhance the look of the city, it took the keen observational powers of the sole critic of the project, Burlingame Vice-Mayor Joe Galligan, to question this benevolent activity.

In an effort to stir up discord, Councilman Galligan, an avowed adversary to Burlingame's newly formed citizens groups, voiced annoyance at a council meeting that he had not been consulted about this project to beautify Burlingame. The prospect of unsavory elements coming out of nowhere and willy-nilly performing worthwhile projects for the city seemed to cause him great concern. Troubled that such blatant public gardening could get out of hand, he recommended that such projects be brought before the council for general discussion; thus allowing counter arguments against such future aberrant, altruistic behavior.

Member Stephen Hamilton, who asked to remain anonymous, said about the project: We're volunteering to do some of those things the city can no longer afford to do. We're just trying to make a better Burlingame?. Of a more curious matter, Councilman Galligan acknowledged to CBB member Dan Andersen, after the council meeting, that he actually did know about the project beforehand. As to why he publicly said differently was a puzzle to some, though to others, not unexpected. It is not known if the Vice-Mayor intends to proceed with this matter, but one CBB member was overheard to say, cryptically, I hope he does?.

– Written by kent lauder

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8 responses to “Bloomin’ Satire!”

  1. Angela

    Joe’s not being truthful should not surprise anyone. The men on the council are known to not be honest and above board.

  2. rich grogan

    It is told that these CBB members are cloaked in some of the most ingenious disguises. Some of them walk up and down Burlingame Avenue with child or children in tow and carrying large shopping bags with the name of one or more of the stores on Burlingame Ave. prominently displayed. Others have been seen congregating around the two test planters, joyfully engaged in conversation with non-CBB members. In the early hours of the morning, it is reported that there is an individual, who can be seen drinking a cup of coffee and eating a pastry. This clever disguise and blatant activity completely distracts from the real nefarious act of watering and fertilizing the flowers. The nerve of those individuals, who just want to do something nice for the City and not ask to be paid.

    The real test of this project cannot be measured, because with the beauty of these two planters comes an interesting observation. For some reason people are not as likely to put their cigarette filters, beer and soda cans, or miscellaneous stuff in the planters. Is it possible that beauty brings with it good will and sense of being conscientious. Could you imagine if all of the planters looked like the two test planters? I can see why Councilman Galligan would want to be against this type of project and the members of CBB. And a lump of coal to you sir!

  3. Constance

    You mean to say that some unruly group went down to Burlingame Avenue and planted flowers!!! The nerve of them trying to beautify the avenue. Mr. Galligan should bring his very serious (silly) concerns to the attention of our most highest police officer so that he can file charges on these folks. We can’t have these holigans planting flowers willy nilly. What will people think? The next you know, they might go round and start planting trees.

    Thank you to our beloved public servant, Mr. Galligan, for bringing this to our attention. It is good that he his watching out for all of us.

  4. Pauline

    Wouldn’t it be nice if the City had kept up with the irrigation upkeep so that concerned residents could be nefarious and adopt other planters. Watering the two new planters is the big challenge as watering has to be done the old fashioned way – with watering cans and hose pipes. Shame on the City for not maintaining a simple thing such as the water system down Burlingame Avenue.

  5. Willy Nilly

    Thanks to Constance for mentioning my name, but I have not been, at all, responsible for planting anything in Burlingame.

    Should not The City be responsible for things such as public planters, police, fire, water, streets and the safety and well being of our kids?

    Oh well…If a bunch of you Do-Gooders feel the need to get involved, have at it. I guess you all want to be “Scene” and not “herd.”

    As for the often curious philosophies of our beloved councilman Galligan (“Gags” for short, okay?), I wonder how he can rationalize wanting citizens/parents/school kids to be volunteer crossing guards, but wouldn’t want these same folks helping (voluntarily) beautify the town?

    Hmmm…makes you wonder, don’t it?

    Keep this in mind when it’s the citizen’s turn to “beautify” City Council next time ’round.

  6. rich grogan

    Sound the trumpets; another nefarious concerned citizen was rounded up by an elite SWAT patrol. While disguised as a concerned citizen, this individual was armed with a semi automatic pruning sheer. During the commission of removing debris from the planters on the north side of Burlingame Avenue and pruning away suckers and deadwood (does this remind you of anyone) from the planters a squad of one swooped down and blocked the citizen’s escape to the south side of Burlingame Ave. The citizen was detained and questioned; making Abu Ghraib look like a Girl Scout picnic. A cease and desist order was given to the citizen. Can you imagine what would have happened if the individual was armed with a “watering can”?

    Had the elite SWAT patrol not stopped this individual the city would have encountered a beautification crime spree never seen before in Burlingame. Can you imagine what it would be like to have a whole street of planters that are free from debris and looking much better than what they currently do?

    It is rumored that one of the members of the “strident minority” has developed a cloaking device that will hide them from the elite SWAT patrol. This way the nefarious citizens can go about the task of volunteer street beautification, unfettered.

  7. Fiona

    We were talking to a shop owner who has two wooden planters outside her store containing two miserable looking trees and cigarette butts. We asked her why she did not put flowers in it and she told us that people set the flowers on fire with their cigarettes and she has just given up trying. Too bad – here is a shop owner that wants to help too.

  8. sue

    You all know that “Gags” sees Burlingame through BLACK tinted glasses, when he hasn’t thought of or isn’t a part of whatever great thing is going on to “rosey” up our city. His vision is blurred due to the smoke he exudes during every volcanic eruption he exhibits when “others” are coming up with great ideas as to how to make Burlingame a better place to live. I guess those glasses he wears make the debris and cigarette butts in the planter boxes look like pansies and robins in his eyes…so why the need to make any improvements, especially when the idea comes from and is carried out by those dreaded CBBers? Guess the smoke not only blurs his vision but his memory as well. Time for a visit to the doctor, Gags?

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